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Dala’s Deadly Tips: How to Kick Ass and Chew Bubblegum

February 26, 2010

So you picked up Duke Nukem 3D on live arcade last week and want some quick tips as to getting those multiplayer achievements before everyone realizes the multiplayer is actually quite rubbish? Well now that I’ve secured the accolades for myself I thought I’d pass on my ‘pro’ tips so that you too can enhance your e-penis whilst spouting badass one liners.

How to Kick Ass

Activate cheat mode.

The first thing you’ll want to do is journey into the options so, pause the game and select ‘Help and Options’, then ‘Settings’, then ‘Gameplay Options’ and now turn on ‘Auto Aim’, this is your first step towards victory.

With Auto Aim enabled simply pointing your reticule in the vague area of your opponent your bullets will seek them like a fat child to his Friday pastry, you will automatically hit enemies above you as well, Doom style.

Know the weapons.

Well, know what weapons to use at least. With cheat mode activated the best weapons to use are actually the pistol, shotgun, and ripper. The Rocket Launcher is effective as well, if you can trap your opponent, however your new bees to nectar like bullets mean the more traditional bullet sprayers are your best option.

Guns to avoid include the inaccurate Shrink Ray, unpredictable Pipe Bombs, and those rubbish Devastators, that’s not to say don’t use them it’s just a case of other guns being better.

There's a ripper behind the screen, but first you'll need to activate the projector.

Know locations of key items.

A little personal recon can go a long way, learning the location of the following items will help towards victory;

– Jet Pack – Many levels have some tasty tools hidden up high, and it’s always a confusing place to attack from.

– First Aid Kit – Talking about the gadget here, jamming B at the last second to keep yourself alive is worth it. You can’t kill if you’re dead.

– Shotgun – Arguably the best weapon in the game with cheat mode active.

– Health/Atomic Health – These beauties can keep you fighting, nothing worse than losing all your shotgun ammo and that beautiful camping spot.

Individual level tips

Some levels are easier to get kills in than others, here are a few tips for the better levels;

L.A. Rumble

Also to be known as air domination, there is a jet pack hidden down the side street, through the door by the woman, and in the ‘cubicle’ in this room on the desk. Activate the jetpack and you can grab some atomic health off the lip by the red winking lady, a rocket from the top of the main building, a med kit, ammo, and further ammo on the lip lower down and opposite the building. Proceed to rain pain upon your enemies; the favourite place to fight is in the large square in front of winky lady so you’re guaranteed to secure plenty of cheeky kills.

Hollywood Hollocaust

The snack bar will be your friend here, hop over and head through the door to the left end (when facing outwards) in here you’ll find a shotgun and some health, a secret cubby to the other side should have opened as well, grab the atomic health here. Players can’t help but fight here, it’s a focal point of the level, and thanks to your bountiful supply of shotgun ammo and health top-ups you should do just fine.

Spin Cycle

You want to be ducking into the alcoves as these contain rippers and shotguns, and if you activate the alien looking buttons in the alcoves of the alcoves (Xbiskit) you can grab health kits and atomic health. To secure the kills just check to the left for people riding the spin then hold the trigger, ride round to the next alcove, rinse and repeat.

Stadium

Not necessarily a good level this, but an easy one for kills. Turn towards enemies, hold trigger, cross fingers. For additional weapons jump up at an edge, the Ripper and Shotgun are your best bet, grab one then circle around the upper layer firing in the general direction of your opponents. You will die a lot in Stadium, but cheat mode means you’ll get plenty of kills as well.

Spray and Pray...

In conclusion you should be able to average twenty kills every five minutes if you’re good enough, and you don’t keep landing in four player games, so good luck in your efforts to kick ass!

How to Chew Bubble Gum

Head to local supplier of gum, peruse selection of Hubba Bubba, select preferred flavour (Cherry), and purchase with hard earned or stolen money. Unwrap individual tablet of gum, place in mouth and start to chew slowly and savour the initially rich flavour. Attempt to blow bubbles by stretching the gum out over your tongue and blowing into the thin sheet with your mouth curled into your best chimpanzee impression. After several failures resort to chewing rhythmically on the gum until its lack of flavour starts to irritate you, at which point you should introduce the now disfigured ‘gum’ to a bin or, preferably, the underside of some school equipment.

How to Kick Ass and Chew Bubblegum

So you picked up Duke Nukem 3D on live arcade last week and want some quick tips as to getting those multiplayer achievements before everyone realizes the multiplayer is actually quite rubbish? Well now that I’ve secured the accolades myself I thought I’d pass on my ‘pro’ tips so that you too can enhance your e-penis.

How to Kick Ass

-Activate cheat mode.

The first thing you’ll want to do is journey into the options so, pause the game and select ‘Help and Options’, then ‘Gameplay Options’ and now turn on ‘Auto Aim’, this is your first step towards victory.

With Auto Aim enabled simply pointing your reticule in the vague area of your opponent your bullets will seek them like a fat child to his Friday pastry, you will automatically hit enemies above you as well, Doom style.

-Know the weapons.

Well, know what weapons to use at least. With cheat mode activated the best weapons to use are actually the pistol, shotgun, and ripper. The Rocket Launcher is effective as well, if you can trap your opponent, however your new bees to nectar like bullets mean the more traditional bullet sprayers are your best option.

Guns to avoid include the inaccurate Shrink Ray, unpredictable Pipe Bombs, and those rubbish Devastators, that’s not to say don’t use them it’s just a case of other guns being better.

Know locations.

A little personal recon can go a long way, learning the location of the following items will help towards victory;

– Jet Pack – Many levels have some tasty tools hidden up high, and it’s always a confusing place to attack from.

– First Aid Kit – Talking about the gadget here, jamming B at the last second to keep yourself alive is worth it. You can’t kill if you’re dead.

– Shotgun – Arguably the best weapon in the game with cheat mode active.

– Health/Atomic Health – These beauties can keep you fighting, nothing worse than losing all your shotgun ammo and that beautiful camping spot.

Individual level tips

Some levels are easier to get kills in than others, here are a few tips for the better levels;

L.A. Rumble

Also to be known as air domination, there is a jet pack hidden down the side street, through the door by the woman, and in the ‘cubicle’ in this room on the desk. Activate the jetpack and you can grab some atomic health off the lip by the red winking lady, a rocket from the top of the main building, a med kit, ammo, and further ammo on the lip lower down and opposite the building. Proceed to rain pain upon your enemies; the favourite place to fight is in the large square in front of winky lady so you’re guaranteed to secure plenty of cheeky kills.

Hollywood Hollocaust

The snack bar will be your friend here, hop over and head through the door to the left end (when facing outwards) in here you’ll find a shotgun and some health, a secret cubby to the other side should have opened as well, grab the atomic health here. Players can’t help but fight here, it’s a focal point of the level, and thanks to your bountiful supply of shotgun ammo and health top-ups you should do just fine.

Spin Cycle

You want to be ducking into the alcoves as these contain rippers and shotguns, and if you activate the alien looking buttons in the alcoves of the alcoves (Xbiskit) you can grab health kits and atomic health. To secure the kills just check to the left for people riding the spin then hold the trigger, ride round to the next alcove, rinse and repeat.

Stadium

Not necessarily a good level this, but an easy one for kills. Turn towards enemies, hold trigger, cross fingers. For additional weapons jump up at an edge, the Ripper and Shotgun are your best bet, grab one then circle around the upper layer firing in the general direction of your opponents. You will die a lot in Stadium, but cheat mode means you’ll get plenty of kills as well.

In conclusion you should be able to average twenty kills every five minutes if you’re good enough, and you don’t keep landing in four player games, so good luck in your efforts to kick ass!

How to Chew Bubble Gum

Head to local supplier of gum, peruse selection of Hubba Bubba, select preferred flavour (Cherry), and purchase with hard earned or stolen money. Unwrap individual tablet of gum, place in mouth and start to chew slowly and savour the initially rich flavour. Attempt to blow bubbles by stretching the gum out over your tongue and blowing into the thin sheet with your mouth curled into your best chimpanzee impression. After several failures resort to chewing rhythmically on the gum until its lack of flavour starts to irritate you, at which point you should introduce the now disfigured ‘gum’ to a bin or, preferably, the underside of some school equipment.

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