Posts Tagged ‘rubbish’


Command and Conquer 4 is doomed!

January 30, 2010

I don’t like getting down on a game before release, I rarely do, but Command and Conquer 4 is buggered.

Unimpressed - Kane earlier today.

I’ve been dabbling with the beta recently and as a mild RTS fan I think I’ve got enough experience to declare C&C 4 a complete failure. Simply put whoever thought adding a levelling structure into a game like this needs a firm slap around the chops, before being taken outside and shot for evidently having no brain.

Ok it’s not the levelling that’s borked, CoH has a nice levelling system, it’s the application and repercussions of the system and to begin to understand you’ll need to know how things play out.

In C&C 4 every player has a walking ‘base’ from which they churn out units, units are used to take strategic points and return Tiberium to your drop zone in order to buy upgrades to your existing units. There are no resources, simply a population limit, meaning unit spam is the order of the day and once a unit dies you just replace it. Already the game has problems up the wazzo, but then the levelling structure enters the fray.

Not much of a looker either.

To begin with you can make four units from your chosen base (offensive, defensive, or support) and research one tech, you are locked to tier one and that’s your lot for the duration of the match. Until you level up, which for some unknown reason takes a few matches to even get to level ruddy 2, at which point you get one more unit for each ‘class’, yay?

At one point me and a friend were playing a match with someone who could get tier three units and had a base firing death lasers from every orifice, and then some, frying our tier one units and whereas normally I can accept being beaten in an RTS this was the equivalent of bringing cotton wool buds and a pasty to fight a fat bloke wielding a flamethrower . We didn’t have access to effective counter units, fair? Not at all, fun? Most certainly not.

And then there are the matches themselves, or should I call them meat grinders, the simple technique of ‘fill the population up’ means players prefer to spam one type of unit at one time, only changing if something drastic happens. On more occasions than not me and an opponent would have our bases facing each other, constantly putting units out to die in a never ending battle of the mundane, It’s so basic it needs to sit in the corner of the RTS classroom wearing the dunce hat for a bit until it wises up.

The game will garner a dedicated community due to the name C&C, and the fact it’s probably fun when the game deems you worthy to even bloody tech up, but before lon the multiplayer will become impenetrable to new comers.

On account of the fact you earn XP in all modes it depends how much you level up in campaign really, but what if you don’t want to play Campaign? Grind against CPU until you can actually deploy effective units? Piss off is that what anyone wants to do.

Even Tim Curry has to stiffle back the laughter.

It’s a shame really as this is EA’s last chance to impress the C&C audience until Starcraft finally arrives, but instead they’ve created an abortion of an action strategy role playing game that sits somewhere between Company of Heroes, Final Fantasy, and a pile of rancid Chihuahua turd.

Command and Conquer 4 – Level up or get tae fuck.

Oh and the menu’s look abysmal too.


Gametrailers shat-tastic GOTY awards debacle.

January 3, 2010

For the uninitiated, check out Gametrailer’s GOTY awards here:

Like many gamers I always partake in the ridiculing and tomato throwing of mainstream sites and their GOTY lists, but more often than not I can find some semblance of credibility in their nominations and victors, and Gametrailers is normally bang on the money and a series of awards I can fully get behind, probably due to the flickering images distracting my admittedly short attention span away from their criminal inaccuracies and blatant pandering to the mainstream, however this year either through them being complete tossrags or my growing irritation towards mainstream media they made me, actually, really angry (just ask anyone who’s spoken to me recently).

First of all the grade A offender, the complete list of facepalm that is the Gametrailers ‘Best Wii game of 2009’:

Right, that list features The Beatles Rock Band, DJ Hero, Modern Warfare: Reflex, Mad World and New Super Mario Bros. Two HD ports, one shit HD port, one alright overly violent brawler, and a brilliant game, were GT asleep for half the year?

Just a quick brainstorm and I come up with House of the Dead: Overkill, Wii Sports Resort, Dead Space Extraction, Resident Evil: Darkside, Marumasa, Little King’s Story, Punch Out!!, even Download stuff like Lost Winds is better than Modern Warfare: Reflex Edition! Come to fuck Gametrailers, show some effort rather than just plucking titles you remember were good, and also on wii, from the last couple of months. Motherfuckers.

Now onto the really embarrassing section, the PS3, 360, PC, and GOTY lists.

You know, I feel sorry for the writers. Writing four different ways to describe Batman and Modern Warfare 2 and three for Assassin’s Creed 2? Torture on the brain. But honestly GT, do you even try to understand something like the PC? Is Batman really one of the best games on the PC? I’m not decrying Batman, far from it, I’m just saying it’s not the best use of a mouse and keyboard or a permanent Internet connection compared to something as tailored as Left 4 Dead 2, or Dawn of War 2. Heck even Plants vs Zombies is a more accurate nod than Bats as a game that truly uses the PC to its advantage, but what more you have the nerve to mention Resident Evil 5? A game surely tailor made for a control pad, and a poor imitation of a four year old game? Just because you don’t play PC games doesn’t give you a right to claim the system lacks exclusives whilst blindly overlooking gems such as Torchlight, Tales of Monkey Island, Killing Floor, Empire Total War, think about it next year yeah? Else you might find siege tanks parked outside your offices.

So onto the console lists and a serious question – what, on a multiformat site, should the catagory ‘best 360 game’ en tale, ask me and I’d say best game for the system that takes real advantage of the system and showcases what makes that system unique which makes these lists all the more annoying. Assassins, Batman Modern Warfare 2, and Street Fighter 4 appear on all three lists leaving space for one true exclusive, with the GOTY list being identical to the PS3 list. After GT bummed Demon’s Souls in the early days of the awards it doesn’t even get a short list nod? Mixed messages GT!

And what’s so annoying here? Well what makes Modern Warfare 2 the best 360 game as opposed to one that takes advantage of the extensive online features and built for the system such as Forza 3, or on PS3 how does it show off Blu-Ray better than Uncharted 2 and its luscious visuals? The individual platform GOTY should be the game that does that system the real justice it deserves.

And then the GOTY award, well if that isn’t the most predictable list of the year I don’t know what is, you’d have already watched a less dramatic version by checking out the PS3 video. And do you know why the win for MW2 is so annoying? GT states in the very opening that ‘To be a nominee you cannot be a one trick pony, glossy on the outside but ugly on the inside, or reliant on the tried and true’.

‘Or reliant on the tried and true.’

The opening to your video basically says MW 2 should not win this award, and yet it does, and many  far more deserving games are left in the wake of a pretty standard, albeit very fun, sequel to a two year old game that does little to change what has come before.

In short, from their reasoning, Batman should have won.